All Illimsy

A day that set the bar very high, then, foolishly, raised the damn thing. Woke up to pee just before dawn, a vague glow in the east, drank some juice, went back to bed for an hour, planning the course. I need to do everything so I need to prioritize. First is breakfast, I need some calories to burn. On a large and thick piece of toast, potato patty on top, over-easy egg on top, salsa. I eat this with a knife and fork. Fortified. I need to clear the skids in the woodshed, cut all the doubles and split them, top up the kindling bucket, split starter sticks. Supposed to get very cold and snow all the time so I need to get some of the wood out of the hollow. I go down with maul and bust five of the main branch sections (12 inches diameter), carry the maul and wedge out, kicking out toe-holds in the ice and snow. Must go to town, need booze and tobacco, and must get back in time to make a stew or something, a comfort food, easily heated, so I'll eat enough. I sometimes have to remember to eat enough. I get so involved I forget. Go to town, run the necessary errands, considering the weight-to-trip ration that rules my winter. What I can carry up the hill. Back in record time, not quite dead, I make ten trips carrying wood, 116 steps, the slog out of the hollow was only 68 but nearly vertical. I'm feeling it in my body, the work, the way the muscles flex. Still need to clean-up and build a stew. While I heat water for a bath, I cook some potatoes, caramelize some onions, brown a cubed London Broil quickly in peanut oil, cook some of those silly carrots, mini-peeled things, I would never use them but they were cheap, with the last of the chickpeas and that chorizo juice. What I'm thinking, is that the beans will become the thickener. This proves difficult. Chickpeas are resistant to heat and require mashing. They should give you a rule book at the beginning, it would make life so much easier. I ended up with a great stew. Maybe it's the bottom line, what you end up with. I'm way too tired and sore to speculate; but I had goals, and had reached them. I felt good about myself. Then that fucking demon, inside yourself, manifests itself. Hey, I'm just along for the ride, but I notice there is a difference, where you step now, between here and there. Maybe it means nothing. Still, I noticed a difference. What you thought you heard was different from what you needed to hear. Happens to me all the time: what I think I hear. Constant adjustments. A balancing act where you spin a lot of plates. Nothing really happens. But it looks like something is happening, and that's Good Enough. Confuse the audience, look in your pockets for a record, there should be something somewhere that would tie you to a place, a ticket-stub, something. I don't care about your personal life, whatever you do, simply surviving is challenge enough. Winter is such a challenge. Today was balls to the wall, but I got through it, actually accomplished more than I thought I could, it's good, occasionally, to exceed your demands. That sense of control. I think I understand.

Tom

Three crows, they
bandy a bit, then
quiet.