Much Later

I'm not sure what to think. Are we all so insecure? I was raised in a cardboard box on the side of the road, the scars you see are nothing compared to the actual scars, which are much deeper. I can barely walk, stumble often, and if I fall, no one would find me for days, just another statistic. I'm a janitor, I don't require much attention -oh him, he was a nice enough guy- and I certainly don't want to make any waves. I prefer the lake to be calm. Better, perhaps, that I should be out of the mix, not a factor. In all honesty I'd rather not be a part of anything, just live alone and watch natural things closely, the crows complaining, the squirrels confused, the way the lake freezes. I don't have a cross to bare, don't believe in anything other than rain and snow. So I'm confused when I'm confronted with my failings. I might be faulted for being egocentric, certainly I think about my condition, but I mean no harm. I'm just trying to make sense of the mess I find myself in. If I offend you, it's only a by-product. My goal is merely to approach reality. I meant what I said, about circling an imagined center. Get a good fire going in the stove and keep from dying. I don't understand how anyone can live with someone else, other people suck. If we were honest, we'd always be alone, no one could possibly meet our expectations. Don't get me started. Other people. I'm always disappointed. So transparent in their failures, what they fail to bring to the table. I'm sorry, was I talking out loud? You can't trust me, you realize that by now. I lie. B said something about that, how he wasn't actually the character, he was a fiction, he didn't actually say those things. I withheld judgement. I'm not sure. I thought he did. Maybe my memory is clouded. After all, who am I? Can of worms. WHAT happens is always subject to review. Glenn would call out his object here, as subject, point to it, make a point, and I'd agree, what is is, that thing you're pointing at. It might be a table, it might be a chair, lord knows I wouldn't care to draw a distinction. What we think we see. I rest my case. The nature of reality is soft, not hard and fast, take care, the crows are not really talking. I'm all in.