Not Knowing

Or suspecting that you know enough when you really don't have a clue. Justin is off on his cross-country ramble and Astra is being deported. The face of change. Sara will be back, next weekend, when we start accepting art for the juried show, and D has his MFA, so the dynamics will be different. I'd like to keep my job, for a while, if that's possible, but the politics are so stupid that I may have to move to Kansas, assume a new identity and become a mason. Which I could do, being flexible and alone. Invent a background and drop a few names. Beyond a certain point, I might even believe myself. More likely I'd end up in that spare apartment above Kim's garage and he'd deny that I was there. What happens is that we disappear, die, or otherwise removed from the scene. Moved to Australia. No forwarding address. The outback somewhere. I heard he loved goats and lived in an Airstream, the desert somewhere, must have been the southern hemisphere, because the constellations were different. I think when this next show is installed, I'll leave for a week or two, go somewhere, do something, I'm finding the situation mundane and the people boring. I'd rather fish for trout in the Niobara. Spend some time in Nebraska. Power was out last night as a powerful line of storms hung in Adams County (where my power comes from), with attendant hail and flooding. Got to work early because it was another big important day and I needed to study the playing field. D came in, thank god, because someone in Bev's family had died and TR had to sit at the desk. Worked out fine, D and I work better together than anyone has a right to, and as were wrapping a piece we'd call out the condition to him. Three pieces to wrap tomorrow, then organize things, and start cleaning up for the event on Friday. They're decorating for that after we close on Thursday. Tight schedule. An artist friend came in today, Marsea, born here but relocated to California, in town to visit her dying mother. D and I made her laugh, we spent a delightful half-hour, and it was a welcome break. She'll be back to see Sara and I'll see her again. I hadn't kissed anyone in a while and I'd forgotten how close you have to get to do that. I could feel her body heat and liked the way she smelled. D and I pushed hard until four-thirty and he had to leave. Trish wasn't in today, and Pegi left early. TR looked at me, said that we were the only ones there again. Cool thing I noticed when I was closing down the museum this evening. All the hanging hardware is still on the walls, I'm not going to have a chance to get to it, before the first wedding reception, so instead of art work, they're going to have hangers for the art work. It's a Minimalist installation. There could even be labels, for the pieces that weren't there. I like this idea a lot, an installation in which the label becomes the issue. I could do this show in one of those couple-of-week periods when nothing is in the gallery upstairs. A sneak installation. I'll start working on the labels tomorrow. I like who I am, it's not a specific position or anything, just that sometimes I'm more comfortable.