Everything Fades

Over time even stone heads become amorphous lumps. Things weather. Cute creases become permanent indicators that you're not quite so young anymore. Almost a smile on your lips, but not quite. Maybe a certain bitterness. You didn't win a Noble Prize, or even a grant, to see you through. Explosive denial. We've seen this before. What was that class? "Stress Failure Analysis", certain bridges. Specific failures. I can't even go there, anymore, I can't even use a ladder, my fear of heights. But stress is the issue, right? I conducted a survey, off the books, a private project, concerning fear of certain things, anxiety; and found that all of us are anxious, all of the time. What does that say? I need some time to think. Slept late, still made it to work on time, but couldn't dawdle, as is my want. Slow day, like wading through molasses, read introductions to various editions of Emily. Thicker vinyl from the new signage guy, and the adhesive has to be sanded off the wall, one coat of paint won't cover it; but it is thicker, so the vinyl itself comes off more easily. TR, like Bev, can get the letters off with his fingernails, I have to use a knife, to get them started, because my nails are so fucked up from the alopecia. It's a secondary effect that renders the nails almost useless as tools, although I could probably kill someone with my thumbnails. The good news is I've had this condition for 30 years, and it doesn't affect your health. Purely cosmetic. Be torture for some people, but doesn't bother me. Wanted to stay for a beer and pretzel, but I could see rain, off to the west, my windshield wipers don't always work, and I wanted to get home to an open face roast beef sandwich with gravy, mashed potatoes on the side. Seriously, instant mashed potatoes have changed my life. I fully intend to gain some weight this winter, I don't have any body fat, no reserves, and I think I need to gain maybe 15 pounds. I'm too skinny, but I get tired of chewing, and skip meals if I'm reading a book that captures my imagination. Reading is my vice, I'll read for eight or ten hours at a time, short breaks for pissing and eating, but completely focused on what was the issue, the various fictional devices all in play. What you thought you might have imagined. Too bad only Glenn gets that. A monkey comes into a bar.