Later

All the rest of my life I put in a blender. Fuck a bunch of garlic. The chair I could endow would be one of those that no one sat in, ever. I could endow an empty chair. A cheap folding metal chair. The Bridwell Chair. They bring it out, every once in a while, to make a point, but it's just a cheap folding metal chair. It doesn't even signify. We spent our time playing scissors, rock, and paper. Occasionally I'm good at cross-word puzzles. No fault, I'm saying, should be deflected to you, a lateral, right? Not a pass. Mid-morning and the power was out again, it was already hot, this was yesterday, and I decided to drive the back way into town, forest-service roads, I knew the museum would be cool and quiet. Cool and quiet sounded like a great combination. I'd spent several hours, the night before, talking about Emily, and I wanted to read some things, stare off into space. The drive in took a couple of hours because I got more or less lost and had to back tract to find the river road. I could smell marihuana growing in a corn field in one of those two or three acre bottoms over behind Pond Run, an Indica, smelled a little skunky. Not wishing to be shot, I didn't investigate. In a swamp, somewhere I could never find again, there was a handsome stand of Marsh Mallow, white and pink blossoms as large as my hand. I pulled off at a rest area, beginning to think I knew where I was, so I could roll a smoke and consider my situation. Lost, but within the confines of a limited area, a triangle that I understood geographically: I knew where I was, but I was lost in the moment. I remember watching a pair of swans herd their babies away from me, a kettle pond, feeding Quivet Creek, but that was a long time ago, now I get a couple of geese, necking. It's not so much that I want to appear a certain way, but that this is the way it is. Have to think about that, sentences, a line, grab me sometimes, and I'll spend an hour or two thinking about meaning. Only possible, of course, because I live alone, and can do pretty much do what I choose.