Odd Moments

I surprise myself, sometimes, how stupid I can be. Tom and Lauren sent me a strange card and a twenty dollar bill, which I converted to a bottle of whiskey. Jana had sent me several links to photographs and I lost them someplace between my Black Dell and the Mac at work. I can't even open a link. I'll get her to resend the information (dada, by any other name) and get TR or D to open it for me, and print it out. I trust hard copy. Remembering the past is a tricky concept, nothing bleeds like success. Bear with me. A certain way of avoiding pain is to never let anyone inside, and that (I almost said 'this') works, in so far as; but I'm remarkably gregarious for a hermit, and genuinely interested in other people. Mostly, I live in my world, which is tightly constrained and defined by access. I let other people in, which I do on a regular basis, because I'm empathetic; and when I do that, allow 'other' into my life, to a certain measure, I lose control. Left to my own devices, even my kitchen table amazes me. It's not even flat. Fucking tables. I shim a pile of books. The problem is that only people you love can hurt you. So you protect yourself, add some layers, a conditioned response, we see it even in bacteria that are hardly aware, and know that everything is suspect. Convoluted. I'll put a good face on it by looking slightly addled. It helps if you jump up and down, slightly off the beat. I'm actually taking it pretty easy at work, between shows; the last three years, with D stalking his MFA have been difficult, but he's back now, taking care of a great many things. I can spend a couple of hours a day off my feet, reading Mary's letters, or about how the watercolor became a distinctive American medium. I've been thinking a lot about spending the whole day with the Columbus docents. These are bright people, and it's my subject, so there should be some interesting questions. I thought, briefly, about wearing my Carhartt bibs that day, or I could be discovered mopping a perfect chevron in the main gallery; because Columbus, is, you know, way more sophisticated than them hicks what live down by the river. I'd like to take them out to my place for lunch. I'd be so interesting. The aphids like the Linden trees, so on the way to lunch and back there are these extremely perorated leaves on the ground, and I keep picking them up, because they're so beautiful, so delicate and unique. So intricate. I'm a fool for a photo-shopped image. Could those possibly be, we're on the same page; I don't trust that motherfucker with a pony-tail, he's up to no good,.