Status Report

We're good, is my best guess. The days are become a blur. So exhausted last night I have no idea what I wrote and don't remember sending, maybe I didn't do either. Woke up cold, in the dark, started a fire, heated water. The weather is ugly, nasty even, and the forecast is the same well into the future. But the final list, the punch list, gets shorter, despite adding a few things today, tomorrow is critical, then Friday to mop up what remains. I'll plan on attending the opening and dinner after, but I'm wedded to nothing but having the show open in good form. Not sure I want to walk up the hill, late, in the rain, to a cold house, a trade-off between discomfort and celebration. I can always celebrate alone, I know what I've done, I don't need a pat on the back; what I'll probably need are a couple of stiff drinks and three scrambled eggs, a piece of toast, some fried potatoes. Thank god my TV was hit by lightning when I was gone at xmas, I'd be watching baseball, some, at any rate, because I love the game, and I don't have the time. I watch highlights at the pub, at lunch, and that's fine, it's enough. I read, write, stop at the lake, find time for a walk in the woods, it's a balancing act, we all do it, carve spoons, whatever. If you're not going to just stop the chain and shoot yourself, you find a way to balance that deep you, who you are, with what must be done. Listen, I'm lazy, the only person I know who might read for 6 or 8 hours at a stretch, but I still get things done, it's just a matter of keeping your priorities straight and making a list. Living alone helps, because you're not beholden to anyone else. I don't recommend it, though, because it's very lonely. I like being alone. This is a difficult thing to even talk about. I like being alone, but I sometimes wish I could be talking to another, or maybe occasionally having sex. I'm still alive, after all. Having said that, I prefer being alone, because I can merely get on with my life. Install a circus show, cool, I can do that, and it advances me, I learn from this, installing shows, at a certain point, makes you a curator, and I am one now, and didn't see it until today. One thing Glenn is saying. One step removed: his movie is saying. I think about this a lot, the convolutions. Everything is two steps removed. My construct is built on an idea, are these simply Venn Diagrams or something different? I thought you might be different. Staring squarely at her tombstone, I have no choice, there's a link here, I have to examine, you'll forgive me because you must. Don't think I don't see what's going on. You and your hard stops.