Exhausted

Didn't realize how tired I was until I fell asleep in my chair. When I woke, cramped, hungry, and needing to pee, a beautiful three-quarters waning moon right outside my window. It seemed personal. Very quiet and it takes me a few minutes to hear that the wind has stopped blowing. A couple of deer, prancing in the leaf-duff, is a distinctive sound; a few frogs, but isolated, not the cacophonous symphony of a mating ritual. It's cold in the house, so I put on my bathrobe and Linda's hat. Something was bothering me. I didn't know exactly what, but I know myself well enough to recognize the symptoms, so I rolled a smoke and got a drink: I can afford to pay attention. TR did the math for a couple of wall sections, and I was happy for the help, my brain was winding down. There was a noise in the background, inside the museum (which is practically soundproof), and it was Pegi and Cirque Trish rehearsing a number in the theater. What had bothered me was that I was hanging a show, and I was booking tours, and that I was the only one in the building with the interests of the museum at heart. Everyone else was working on ancillary (from my point of view) projects. I'm hanging a fucking show here, and I'm docenting three groups through the Carters on Friday. Please, please, don't get in my way. I can be a prick, I know, but some things are sacrosanct. The holiness of language, for one, and the sanctity of a certain space. Well said, I think. Just another well-spoken arrogant bastard in point of fact. One thing I never do is pretend. I was pretty sure I could hang this show today and I actually exceeded my expectations. Cool, right? to be ahead of schedule, no longer the runt sucking hind tit. A phrase I picked up in Mississippi that may or may not be germane. Pegi had no idea what was actually going on at the museum, she didn't have a clue, and I realized I had to make this possible. Which I can do, but I'm tired, I've been on my feet for days and my patience is running thin. I'll do it, not because I want to, but because I can.

Tom

Almost arrogant, the bullshit you listen to.